Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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