i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
