The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
