you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
