You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
