he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
