i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
