you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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