so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
