woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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