my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
