my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
