If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
