We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
