It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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