I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my liver is dry heaving
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
