not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
