I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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