Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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