that's an acceptable place to lick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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