ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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