Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
