Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
