weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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