Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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