Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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