ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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