Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
