those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
