we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
