I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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