I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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