took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
