remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
