By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
