two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
as a side note pls kill me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
