i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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