You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
