Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
