Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
