No period for spring break; use this wisely.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize