I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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