i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
