Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
