A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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