Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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