he thought i was a dude.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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