now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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