You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My feet surprised me
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