I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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