It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
