You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
