My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
