so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
