How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
