What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
