I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
