Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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