Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
