Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
