Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
