I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
