im having a threesome with these popsicles
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
