I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
