I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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