I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize