i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
