You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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