You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize